21/01/2013

mondays

I get terribly embarrassed with this blog at times. The temptation to pack it in and delete it seems very desirable as, honestly, looking through my archives give me this deep gut-clenching cringing at just how I expressed myself. I'll probably look back at this and feel ashamed by the self-importance that made me think I really need this outlet to "free my inner emotions" or whatever I pretend I'm doing here.

However, if you gave me the option to blank out the memory of 13-14-15 year old me, I might just take it.

But that's ridiculous.

Ridiculous because being a self-important teenager, rife with all these feelings has allowed me to become self-aware which, if we're comparing the suffixes of self-, is not the worst thing to be.

I'm justifying myself. Maybe that's all I'll ever end up doing. I think that's okay.

Apologies if I ever give you eye strain for how many times you'll roll your eyes at these posts. But can you imagine how hilarious it will be for future me to reflect on this little blog? Just humour me. I'm feeling an affinity with just being, being myself and being young. Those take-for-granted epiphanies that you pretend to have known all along. All these words I record are testament to the fact that I don't know it all, will never know it all and have no intention to seek knowing it all.

And that's embarrassing? For sure. But I'm going to stop decluttering my social network sites for fear of, if I stop being so annoyingly omni-present, I'll have an existential crisis in later life.

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