This blog post has been provoked by seeing some girls in the years younger than mine's Tumblr pages. They're disenchanting to say the least. It's just seems like I'm pulling on the bittersweet end of the constant tug of war between the overwhelming force of media and actual reality.

It seems like all we desire is everything we can get immediately. We all do it. I'm actually a basket case, so this blog post is introspective and not a politic statement or anything too revolutionary. This immediacy has created a loss of mystique. I think I can talk about this without being too pretentious because I'm like the second generation of internet children. In this twisted metaphor of an Ellis Island pretence, I'm not part of the crowd that can remember life without the internet but I still have a heavy connection to the 'homeland'... in this case actual real life. 

So that got a bit abstract, but I do worry about how big of a digital footprint I'm leaving. In the immortal words of David Tennant's Doctor Who "A footprint doesn't look like a boot" - on every internet site that I grace (which is basically everything, I am omnipresent) it's a different interpretation of myself because it's easy to wear a mask when everyone else is doing the same. It's not a new revelation that the internet has an element of fakery, it just scares me that the internet can supersede actual interaction. Which is why I'm thinking that I should limit myself. Reign myself in a bit. Refine my internet self to an appropriate degree where I still have control and the opportunity to regain a bit more secrecy. 

On the other hand, this is all just bringing my horizons to a closer proximity. To embrace them and keep them like a comforter, close and concise. This is a bad statement. I'm scared of the internet life being controlling but perhaps this is the kind of fear that you can thrive off of and use  as a pixellated form of sustenance. It's not a different world to the real, fresh air world, the internet just runs parallel and it's pretty fun to keep up with it. 

Confronting myself with the idea to trim off the fat of my internet usage brought brilliant excuses in my head. What, my twitter? I need that to follow things I care about. Oh, then facebook is just full of the people I avoid at school... but how else could I spent hours on end talking to my German BFF? Tumblr - Tumblr is pointless... until I forget that I'm doing both Art and Textile Design at GCSE and it's basically a big melting pot of pretty pictures. I go round in circles until I'll always realise that I'm stuck in this world but it's not a bad thing. Actually, it's a good relationship. I have a life. I have an internet life. 

My generation, a self labelled 'child of the internet' culture, is one where there's a direct link between experiencing stuff in the real world, which will inexplicably spill over the seams to the online realms of social networking, blogging, sharing, watching, consuming, procrastinating. It's inescapable, but it's not the thing that will control us... the internet will be the thing to lead us into the light. Albeit if that light is, for now, the fluorescent glow of a desk lamp falling past the unfinished homework to a vampire-esque figure hunched over a laptop that is slowly but surely running out of charge. The world of 2012, the internet, everything, I salute you.



1. Man, this makes me so excited! This year I want to watch all of Sofia Coppola's films, as well as those directed by Wes Anderson. The Virgin Suicides is one of my favourite films, and definitely up in my top books that I've read.

2. Wanderlust. I'm doing my next textiles project on the subject of desiring to travel and it's pretty relevant as I always find that in January I'm wishing my self-piteous state away from the dreary high school halls. Which leads me to my final obsession...

3. Scotland. I've got this view in my head that it's a place filled with angsty, pale artists with lyrical accents. Not unlike vampires, but better at making music. 

 Oh, the self restraint it's taking me not to finish this post off with the Pretenders.



Hello, I hope you've had a good weekend. I went to Brighton for some shopping on Saturday and today I'm wearing my Miss Patina dress.

(Looking perpetually moody in every single picture.)

I made these red earrings last night with supplies from the Bead Shop. I'm not usually a fan of longer earrings but these ones are so light and pretty.

 This sailor dress is the only Miss Patina I own, but I've got my eye on this beautiful blue one. I also adore their velvet dresses from the AW11 collection.



I've been struggling with how to start this blog post of 2012. I've been struggling with 2012 and a new start in general, because a new year can be such an excuse, in good ways and bad. I'm not detaching myself from my past but I am fully centered in the moment - which is neither here nor there - so I'm feeling like a transient being.. but don't all 15 year olds?

Today a good friend gave me a present. A big fat chunky 2012 diary with the strict instruction that it was 'to manage my busy life', which is one of the more heartfelt things anyone has ever done for me. Okay, I'm not saving the world each day, but I'm trying to deal with things in my little sphere of the world and make it better, which is a task that can get belittled almost every day. In my head, I've been thinking about why I think so much, but fritter away that depth of personality by being a complete and compassionately clumsy mess in person. I have sadnesses, which I don't tell people. No big, earth shattering secrets, just stuff that I could complain about but I choose not to. No one chooses misfortune, but everyone gets dealt it in some way or another. What you can choose is how you deal with it. 

The 366 pages that are bound and printed in my hand aren't just a simple organiser, they're proof that someone has noticed that I've been going out of mind and wants to help. I don't require an exorcism of past demons or anything so dramatic but I need a lifeline in the sea of everyone being so over dramatic. I'm sure we all have a list of problems the length of our arms... so I don't think anyone person is more entitled to making their hurt superior to others. Of course, there are exceptions, but I am really sick of people being so narrow minded and inadvertently offensive. It's just rude.

What's really exciting is the amount of blank pages in this fresh new diary. I don't plan my future, I just direct myself at the moment into the best that I can be and trust that things will work out. Call me an idealist, I'll just smile and nod my head.

Happy New Year!